franticsga

Arthur:  Tell Gaius my father wants to see him.


original screencap by emma-jane

Merlin closes the door and gripes to Gaius that Arthur couldn't just tell Gaius himself, conveniently not realizing that Arthur walked all the way to Gaius's chambers rather than sending another servant, which would have been more the normal thing.  Gaius tells him to stop whining because hello, serfdom, and then orders him to cover up icky dead guy.  Merlin huffily says, "Oi, I'm not your servant," and Gaius tells him, "Shut up or I'll slap you."  No, he doesn't.  That's just me projecting.  He actually says, "No, you're my dogsbody," which is also not strictly true.  But whatever.

And it looks like Uther has called Gaius because there's another icky dead guy in the throne room. 

Uther:  WHAT IS IT GET IT OUT OF HERE IT'S ICKY.
Gaius:  Calm down, princess, he's only dead.
Uther:  But for reals, what is it?
Gaius:  Blah blah blah scientific process must not be hurried.
Uther:  WHAT THE FUCK IS IT.
Gaius:  Sorcery.
Uther:  I KNEW IT.

Uther, in a total panic, starts to instruct Arthur on flushing out the sorcerer, and tells him to lend the physician his servant.  Arthur is not having any of that-- which could be an indication that he would really rather have Merlin around, but more likely is just because Merlin has not yet actually shown up for work that day-- but Uther is all DOOM DOOM DOOM, so Arthur is stuck without Merlin for a while.  Boo.

Quick montage of Arthur looking sexy and being all official, searching for the sorcerer.  Merlin and Gaius happen upon another icky guy who is not quite dead yet, reaching out to Merlin pitifully.  Merlin wants to help because, in case the people three towns over haven't heard the news yet, he's a sorcerer.  Gaius refuses to let him, which yet again shows up Gaius's dubious ethics.  They'd both better hope that icky almost-dead guy can't talk, because Merlin just bellowed that he was magic, like, right in this guy's face.

Next scene.  Gaius is warming up a beaker full of...icky dead guy's stomach contents.  Gross.  And why is he heating it up?  I'm so confused.  Merlin wonders why somebody would use magic in such an evil way, to which Gaius tells him that magic corrupts.  LIAR.  I mean, ahem. 

Suddenly Arthur and his lackeys burst in and begin searching Gaius's chambers.  Hilariously, Merlin doesn't think Gosh, I'd better hide that incriminating magic book until Gaius nudges him and asks about it.  Arthur moves into Merlin's room to poke around, and doesn't even notice the book on the floor.  Perhaps that's because Arthur is more like Bradley James than even he would admit, and has only read the Harry Potter books (oh, Bradley). 

Arthur calls out for Merlin to come into his room, and we're of course meant to think he's found something incriminating.  Instead, he points out the closet, a magical place where Merlin can put things. 

Merlin:  Oh, you're one to talk about closets.
Arthur:  What was that?
Merlin:  What?  Nothing.  Somebody's throwing stuff.

The magic book is just sort of sitting there, and Merlin does this absolutely dorky thing where he magically pulls a shirt off the bed to land on the book.  It's silly to see him standing so close he could quite literally move the shirt himself, glaring at it intently to make it move.  It's like the time I caught one of my brothers throwing things at the television set to change the station when 1.) the remote was under his butt, and 2.) his foot was less than five inches away from the TV. 

Arthur and his men are finished in Gaius's chambers.  Arthur asks Gaius how long it'll be before he finds a cure, to which Gaius bitchily replies, "Depends on how many interruptions I get."  Arthur apologizes and Merlin's face is like, "Cheeky."

After Arthur leaves, Merlin and Gaius have a very tense conversation about being ethical with magic.  To wit, Merlin is the ethical one and Gaius is not.  Gaius wants Merlin to save his magical powers for something important, not saving peasants.  Merlin would prefer not to let people die when he could save them.  Gaius's methods are not exactly winning me over, I must say, although he certainly does have a strong instinct for survival.  Merlin, on the other hand, is always moments away from Darwining himself out of the gene pool.

While Merlin and Gaius are arguing science vs. magic, the pretty evil sorceress we saw at the beginning of the episode is watching her creation through her cauldron.  And...okay.  Let me just say this up front so I can get it over with.  Do you guys remember the Golgothan from Dogma?  Every time I see this monster, I think of the Golgothan, and I say to myself, "Self, that's really gross."  But I can't help it.  The Afanc looks like a poo monster.  And before you ask, yes, I do call it poo and I refuse to hear it called otherwise, thank you.

Next scene.  As a bell tolls, there's a very artsy shot of many covered bodies.  It's actually a rather jarring shot in a show that otherwise doesn't deal much with death.  Arthur strides into the throne room looking sexy, and tells Uther that he doesn't know where else to look for the sorcerer.  Uther tells him to impose a curfew and cordone off the area where most of the victims are.  Arthur is a bit upset at the idea of quarantining people who could otherwise use the medical help, but Uther doesn't see any other option.  This ethical argument is a little more dicey than the one between Gaius and Merlin.  I feel Merlin is clearly in the right in that argument, even though Gaius insists that using magic is "the easy way."  However, in this situation there seems to be no right answer.  Uther is right to quarantine; he's not just doing it because it's the ghetto.  Arthur is also right that it's unfair to quarantine them and that it's more likely they will die.  It's tough to be at the top.

Another weirdly artsy shot-- the sun shines directly into the camera for a moment before we see yet another dead body.  THANK YOU JJ ABRAMS, THAT WILL BE QUITE ENOUGH LENS FLARE FOR TODAY.  Gaius asks Merlin what's different about this victim.  Merlin says that she's a woman, to which Gaius replies, "Sometimes I wonder if your magical talents were given to the right person."  You are on FIRE today, Gaius.  Gaius already knows the answer, but needles Merlin into realizing that the only thing this victim-- a courtier-- and the other victims share is the town water supply (LALALA anachronisms can't hurt meeee).  

While Merlin is getting a bucket of water for testing purposes, Gwen tries to wake up her dad and sees that he's sick.  She's understandably upset to see that her father has basically been given a death sentence, and runs off crying to see Gaius.  Gaius can't give her any hope, and she runs away crying again.  Gaius doesn't seem terribly concerned, but Merlin stomps off to his room looking determined.  Having dealt with Merlin for at least two episodes, you'd think Gaius would have learnt by now that Merlin will always take the most impulsive action possible, and that maybe he would have locked Merlin in his room.  But no.  Merlin, with his adorable socky feet, gets up in the middle of the night to go cure Gwen's dad.  Gwen and her father are appropriately joyful, and Merlin feels vindicated.  Enjoy that feeling while it lasts, Merlin.

Next morning, Gaius is showing Arthur and Uther how the flower he stuck in a sample of the water is now dead. 

Gaius:  No touchy.
Arthur:  How am I supposed to prevent people from getting water?  Medieval people demand their bottled Evian, Gaius.
Uther:  LOUD NOISES.
Arthur:  Well, on your head be it if they start to drink Dasani, okay.  They don't call it "ass-water" for nothing.  

Merlin checks in with Gwen, who's humming happily.  He asks her how her father is.  Way to not be obvious, Merlin.  I'm sure she won't think of that when she gets thrown in jail for sorcery.  Colin Morgan looks completely adorable in this scene.  I feel like I say that often enough that it should be a macro:  Colin Morgan is completely adorable.  Bradley James is sexy.  Gaius needs a new wig.  Yep, my computer recognizes those phrases.  Anyway, he is completely adorable, with his curly head, and so is Angel Coulby, so their scenes together are the sweetest and most awkward thing about the show. 

Gwen's dad is burning stuff, hale and hearty.  He has an audience who apparently has nothing better to do than stare at people who were sick and got better.  Arthur comes along, being one of those people who has nothing better to do, and asks him why he's not sick anymore.  Gwen's dad shows a remarkable lack of self-preservation by not going along with Arthur's suggestion that perhaps it was another ailment (maybe he's related to Merlin?). 

Arthur and his men go in to Gwen's dad's place and start searching around for witchery type stuff, and they find a glowy bag of magic under Gwen's dad's pillow.  Way to go, Merlin.  Isn't the hype about Merlin that he doesn't need to use spells or wands or shit?  So why is he leaving around glowy bags of magic?  Gwen is still humming and fiddling with some plastic flowers from Hobby Lobby when the men come in and seize her, since she's been using enchantments and all.  Morgana, looking hot as hell in a blue dress, comes out and demands to know what's going on.

Morgana:  This is ridiculous.
Arthur:  I can't turn a blind eye.  And anyway dinner's almost ready and daddy said I couldn't have any until I made an arrest.



original screencap by emma-jane

Poor Gwen is dragged throughout the entirety of the castle, then tossed in front of Uther, who demands she undo the curse on Camelot.  Gwen protests that she has no idea what the curse is or how to undo it, she doesn't practice magic, and by the way that tunic makes Uther look fat.  Uther is very offended and sentences her to death.  Merlin, listening from behind a handy baluster, realizes Gwen's made a tactical error.  That's Uther's favorite tunic.

Arthur and Morgana try to convince Uther that there's simply no way Gwen could be a sorcerer-- her hands are rough and she kneels on the cold stone floor to work.  Why would she do that, Morgana argues, when she could do it with the snap of her fingers, like an idle king?  Ooooh, burn.  Morgana and Gaius should have their own show.  Arthur takes a deep wobbly breath and stands up to daddy, telling him that Uther no longer listens when someone says "magic."  Uther finally pulls the "I'm older than you and I've seen stuff so shut the hell up" card, and stalks off, flipping his cape out behind him, drink in hand like Liza Minnelli or some shit.  "GAIUS.  WHERE ARE MY RED PILLS GAIUS.  MAMA NEEDS TO BE CALM NOW."

Meanwhile, Gaius is telling Merlin how stupid he is, and Merlin agrees.  He goes down into the dungeon to see Gwen, passing by Morgana along the way.  Given how much trouble Katie McGrath says she has crying on cue, I'm not surprised that it doesn't look very realistic here.  She makes fakey crying noises and runs away on her little clicky heels, and Mr. Boyfriend and I giggle. 

Gwen, awkward to the end, tells Merlin that it's all right and there's no point in crying about it.  "I mean...not that...you were crying.  I didn't mean that," she says, but Merlin is too focused on how much of a doofus he is to stare at her while she pulls her foot out of her mouth like he usually does.  He just tells her he's not going to let this happen.  I take the opportunity to admire Colin Morgan's ears from the side.  They look very bendy.

Uther is having a little powwow with Arthur, Gaius, and a bunch of people we've never seen before.  Merlin storms in and announces that he's the sorcerer, not Gwen.

Uther:  Off with his head!
Arthur:  Wait a minute, why?
Uther:  I don't know, I just felt like it.
Arthur:  *grasps onto Merlin*  BUT DADDY, HE'S MY FAVORITE.
Uther:  Son, there's clearly something wrong with him.
Arthur:  I think he's might be sort of...you know.  BUT I LIKE HIM ANYWAY, PLEASE LET ME KEEP HIM.
Uther:  Fine.  But you have to house train him you know.  I can't be getting up at five in the morning to take him out for walks.



original screencap by emma-jane

Afterward, Merlin is still going on to Gaius about how dim Arthur is, not knowing he's harboring a sorcerer right under his very English nose even when Merlin flat-out told him to his face.  Instead of reminding Merlin he should be happy Arthur has a thing for him and that's why he's not currently residing in Headlessville, population: Merlin, Gaius tosses him a bag and says they have to go find out what's contaminating the water.

They go down to the reservoir and Merlin sticks his hand in to get a sample.  There's a shot of his hand in the water with ominous music playing, and I'm instantly transported back to watching Jaws for the first time.  I cover my eyes, even though I know it's only a poo monster and not a shark in the water.  DON'T LET MICHAEL GO SWIMMING, CHIEF BRODY!  The poo monster comes out and looks threatening for a moment before diving back in, and Merlin and Gaius get out of there before it decides to get out and run after them.  Kind of like that one Peter Benchley book where there was a shark that had legs or something?  I dunno, I remember there was a movie about it and we were wondering if they got Dan Aykroyd to play the shark.

Handily, Gaius has a book that has the perfect description of the poo monster, including a detailed sketch of the guy wearing the Afanc suit.  He says the poo monster is called an Afanc, and it's only called up by the most powerful sorcerer.  Gaius looks at his piles of cardboard props painted to look like books and says he'll find a way to defeat it in there.  Merlin says it'll take days and Gwen'll be dead by then, to which Gaius replies, "Have you got a better idea?" 

As it so happens, Merlin does.  It's time for his weekly visit to the Dragon, who is incredibly sick of this idiot coming down to ask questions but never telling the Dragon what he really wants to know, which is how Arthur Pendragon rates in the sack.

Time out:  every time I watch this episode with all the fire, it reminds me of Colin Morgan's video diary, in which he points to the lights that make it seem like firelight dancing and says that it simulates "fleeem action."  Even the girl holding the camera, who must surely be used to Colin's accent by now, is like, "Ahahaha, fleeem action, oh Colin."

Merlin:  OI DRAGON.
Dragon:  WHAT.
Merlin:  I need to know how to fight an Afanc.
Dragon:  Jesus, is that all?  Fine.  Elements.  Happy?
Merlin:  I don't...get it?
Dragon:  You can't really tell, what with the scales and all, but this is my "unsurprised" face.

Arthur comes in to tell Uther he hasn't found anything, but Uther says not to bother, and instead to bring the execution forward to tonight.  Sadly, Arthur turns around and leaves.  I've said Bradley James looks really sexy in this episode, right?  Okay, just checking.  Because he does.  It's that blue shirt, even if it's hidden under that weird brown coat that looks like the bastard child of Captain Reynolds's.  You can't stop the signal...of Bradley James's hotness.

Gaius enters his chambers to find Merlin looking frantically through books to find something on the elements.  Gaius, taking pity on the poor stupid child, tells him there are only four (although I do believe it wasn't that long ago that this was decided.  Wasn't there something about ether in there for a while?).  Since the poo monster was made of earth and water, the two of them decide it can only be defeated by air and fire.  Gaius asks him how he got so intelligent all of a sudden, and Merlin tells him it's part of his powers.  Gaius asks, "What else do your powers tell you?" and Merlin says the infamous line, "That I am but one side of a coin.  The brighter side, obviously."  Gaius asks who the other side is and Merlin tells him he thinks it's Arthur.

Before Gaius can tell Merlin he'd better start sewing his wedding dress, Morgana bursts in, as she so often does, to tell them Uther's moved up the execution.  Merlin and Gaius, for some reason, have decided they need Arthur to help get rid of the poo monster.  I would think if it has to be destroyed by magic, you wouldn't really want Arthur getting in the way being a daddy's boy, would you?  But whatever, as long as Arthur gets to go clangy clangy swishy clang, Merlin's on board with the plan and so am I.

It's up to Morgana to convince Arthur to disobey Uther.  She does it the traditional way-- by calling him a little bitch and telling him to pull his thumb out of his mouth and start acting like a king.  Arthur responds well to this type of treatment (and admirably does not roll around on the floor laughing when Morgana calls Merlin "a lover"), so the three of them head down to the water reservoir, where the poo monster has apparently grown feet and is now stalking around in the caves.  I TOLD YOU.  NEXT IT WILL BE KNOCKING ON PEOPLE'S DOORS PRETENDING IT'S A CANDYGRAM.

Arthur sees the poo monster first, and the other two come in to see what, exactly, a poo monster with legs looks like.  It has teeth, apparently.  It takes approximately a hundred years for them to actually engage in battle with the stupid thing, with Arthur waving his sword and his torch at it (FLEEM ACTION) ineffectually.  Finally Merlin gets fed up and yells at Arthur to just use the damn torch already, and says a spell to bring forth the wind.  Let me rephrase that:  Merlin shouts a spell practically in Morgana's ear and then suddenly there's a bunch of wind, and yet it's not suspicious at all.  Apparently the water in Camelot kills the peasants and makes the nobility completely stupid.

The dark-haired sorceress watches this all go down from her cauldron and gets really pissed off.  "I didn't count on them bringing in someone who wasn't inbred!" she bellows, hitting the water to break up the image. 

Meanwhile, Uther is hanging around with his...buddies?...yeah, I guess they're his buddies.  Apparently one of them has just given him something really hilarious and he's laughing over it when Gaius comes in and tells him there are no new deaths and those who were sick are now recovering.  So...I guess Gwen wasn't executed?  But why?  Wouldn't Uther just think Gwen brought about the Afanc, or that if people are recovering that she's the one doing it?  I don't see why killing the poo monster means Gwen doesn't have to die.  But whatever, I'm clearly putting too much thought into this show.

Uther's in a great mood, so Gaius has to go and be a killjoy by showing him the egg thing that the poo monster was put into at the beginning of the episode.  It bears the mark of Nimueh.  Apparently Uther knows Nimueh, because he's really upset by this.  Blind date gone wrong, perhaps.  I know I've wanted to set a poo monster on a couple of my ex-boyfriends.  

Gwen gets out of jail and thanks Merlin and Morgana, who tells her it was all Merlin's doing.  It's all very sweet and Gwen goes off with her dad, and then Morgana and Merlin have a cross-conversation, where Merlin thinks Morgana's talking about his magic and Morgana's really talking about Merlin being in love with Gwen.  The writers really like to use Morgana for the Three's Company moments in this show, don't they?   

Back in Gaius's chambers, Merlin asks Gaius suspiciously if the fish he's eating came from the water.  It's sad that he really is the brighter side of the coin.  This is a very dull coin we're talking about. 



Gaius says that the Afanc was called forth by a very powerful magician, and Merlin had better hope this magician doesn't notice him.  Merlin, on the other hand, wants to be recognized by somebody.  Gaius tells Merlin he's an idiot, and they laugh and clank their plastic cups together, ending the show on a jolly note.

Up next:  Merlin drinks poison for Arthur and Arthur runs off to get him flowers.